I think I really under depression... today go into the container, almost everyone ask me, "Yunru, whats wrong with you?" I wish I know the reason... or rather I can really put into words... I am really feeling really very very down this few days... Things arent going on smoothly, I am getting distracted easily... I cant focus that much any longer... my mind is going wild... my mind is full of thoughts... my mind is confused... Cannot really smile from my heart anymore... isnt the Yunru they used to see... the cheerful, the joking, funny Yunru... I am now a bored, sad, quiet Yunru....The old Yunru is back... thinking of unnessary thing... thinking of all the stupid things... I want to stop this kind of feeling... -sighz- depression... anyway, eman and shireen aiai... thanks for talking to me just now... thanks for cheering me up... also thanks ah sam.. for cheering and listening me now...

Lets talk about today.... morning UT.. was alright.. forget it.. dont say much later expect too much come out like shit or even a F... than Cognitive module... as usual.. I respond... but this is the first time that I think I respond wrongly... though I wont get penalise... but still.. I suppose because I am too distracted... not focus at all... nevermind.. then later 2nd 3rd meeting... suppose the presentation was alright... then later do quiz than receive song from eman.. than go container....

At container as I said at the start.. not feeling good.. then I just on the music so loud... it is my habit when I am down... and so later I just chat with eman and shireen aiai... then went down training... I saw u... I felt the sigh of relieve though... but could not make myself call you.... and so I just walked pass you... you without noticing me... then later run around the track 1 round.. tried using all my strength... then run pass you... wanted to call you.. but... didnt again.... then later the girls were discussing whether to play basketball with the basketball girls.. then I ran over to find the girls... I felt you took a glance of me when I was running pass you... but I didnt care... I just look at you using the corner of my eyes.. then I talked to the girls... and I ran pass you without greeting you.... were you really looking at me when I was running pass you? why didnt I greet you like how I used to be? I dont know... confused... Wasnt focus in netball at all.... my eyes wander off everywhere... looking around... thinking of other things.... too many things in my mind I suppose... -sighz-

Anyway, call me crazy if you want to... call me mad if you want to.. call me sicko if you want to... why? I am feeling happy when I have the aches on my legs and hands and body..... haha.. call me sicko!!! come call me!!! :D eversince june hols in ES... I never had the aches... today first time.. hahaa... so happy!!!.. must be because of wushu... still I am happy!!! hahaha... injuried my finer... middle finger... dont come and irritate me.. or I will point you my injuried finger.. siao!

DEPRESSION!!!... I need the break.. friday please come.. please come faster... please.. I need you.. friday... I cant take it for my UT2.. and now UT3 is on.... -sighz- I really dont know.... I cant handle my studies that well anymore... I cant handle the stress.. almost broke down during science yesterday... -sighz- so many things in my mind...