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hmm... today.. slacking day... went back school... to meet up with adeline.. cause I know all is going out.. then so i meet her.. then later they have a bet.. and he lost... and went for lunch.. then we go home...
hmm... reach home.. surprisingly i didnt sleep.. haha.. and i am awake now.. hmm nothing much today also.. quite bored.. many things on mind.. trying to clear it away...  hmm.. guess I am just being too tired just now.. and childish.. hmm.. heck care lah...
I hate it that I am so short... really feel like crying on the spot... I know I should not.. but I just could not control my emotion.. but I could control my tears... but I was always thinking.. why am I so short? WHY? Short can do nothing... and short people are not needed... I really do not what to say... yes, though he says that if kelly is unable then siewmei will go to GA.. but please.. when will such things happen? Even kelly cannot, Jesline also can, or even Cindy... I just hate it so much... I am short, I am not a good player, and so I am not needed that urgently... I am always, forever a substitue... yes.. I am a loser... loser always complain.. yes.. now i am a loser!!! There is nothing I can do... I am short... and so I cant get to play so often... and I sucks when I play too so I cant play.. I can never be a good player... reason for choosing wushu was partly cause of this... I am forever crying because of netball... being hurt so much just because of netball... I do not wish to have the same feeling anymore in poly... well... I trained so hard... but still I am isnt a really good player.... what is wrong? 1 word? LOUSY!? I dont know... so damn sucky feeling now... *crying* *crying* *crying* well, choosing wushu is because I want to have different kind of experience at every institue or rather learn more kind of sports... but still I like netball... but I dont belong there? dont know....................... ...............................
Anyway, I have photocopy and get the documents done for Poly... now just need dad's CPF form... and I need to fill in a few more things online... Hmm... the laptops offered not really good? Maybe then I will just go sim lim to gte my mp3player and also to get my laptop... I always tell adeline and jinshu and maybe some of them that always constant remind themself and the team of what they want the team to be like or what... maybe I should do the same to myself... I should constant remind myself of the positive things about studies and RP and everything.. then maybe I will be a better person?
It is ok to be AFRAID.. but I must FACE it and CONQUER it! As I said yesterday, I shall not let those words affect me... MUST NOT!!! You be the judge... be fair to RP and fair to yourself... you judge the school yourself and not by others... It is just like clement, he told me RP isnt like what I think... well.. I should just continue not going to RP channel... Go into RP with an open mind.. judge it yourself... YOURSELF.... Poly... All polys... not just RP... even if is just RP... tell yourself all poly are the same... we do not have lecturers like JC, we do not have teachers like primary or secondary school... what we have are FACILITATORS... someone who makes progress easier.. they are not going to teach nor lectures us... we are RESPONSIBLE for our own learning... in working life or uni life... it will be the same... I must learn it myself... I cannot depends on people anymore... have to depend on myself... must learn it myself... just MYSELF.... keep reminding myself... I must learn it myself... not depending on others... the faster I learn to be self-learning.... the more benefit I will get... if I am still as immature like now... I will forever be like this... a KID! Time to grow uP! .... I must be able to keep changing... adapt to the changes... I must faster learn to accept and grow with it... I cant change anything... so I must accept it and learn it... I must faster get used with it... I must faster adapt to it... I must be ready... set a positive mindset and then I am sure I will be able to change.... I sure be able to adapt to it... Forget able secondary school system.. the thought of it makes me upset... Face it, Accept it, Overcome it, Let go = FORGET! Now, I must be able to accept that I am no longer a kid anymore, studying in a spoon-feeding system... I must accept this fact.. and overcome it.. and i will forget it.... then I wont be so upset over the fact that I must be responsible for my own learning... And accept the new system... I must create a reality that the study is nice.. haha... no sian... I must not tell adeline they all that is so sian to study... I must be positive about it.... IT IS NOT SIAN!!! I must complain to her also cause it will makes me more negative... NO NO NO!!! I must have a positive attitude... and no matter what is it.. I must be strong enough... I must have a positive reaction... Try Try Try... keep remind yourself of all the positive things... keep remind yourself the good points and not bad points and definately it will stay in your mind.... Actually, after talking to shifu.. I know my own bad points (easily influence, affect by others easily, negative, fear)... These are what I must change!!!... I need to change... If I really in the group of slackers, then I must change them.. NOT they change ME!... If they dont want to change... I shall take this oppununity to learn more things... I must learn how to work with people... so now I must change my view about my study I might be able to have the same passion like netball? well... now.. stay positive now... and let time tells all... constant reminder... Anyway, Thanks mr teo.. for the time... sorry.. still thanks alot... its 2am.. yet to sleep.. anyway.. asked aloy to help me reg for english.. :) thx aloy.. and 1 burden off my mind? dont know.. goin to tell mummy i retaking see what she says.. and if what then i dont pay lohz.. haha...
Just read shifu's blog.. hmm.. being affected by his 1st paragraph.. haha... or rather is the last 3 lines of his 1st paragraph... "I still see the potential prospects that they can do with their life....if only they realised it too...At their age, they have so much options to explore and as long as they put their hearts and desires into whatever they do, they can easily achieve so much...." hmm.. it is just giving me a solution to part of my problem or maybe of my trouble? hmm.. maybe is just really how i look at it and also how much efforts i put in and the desires.... i should not let those words dampen my mood... different people.. different views... maybe you step in.. you will like it? you arent sure of it at all.... you not sure what it will be like.. it may not be like what you think and what they say? you are always being affected so easily... so if people tell you that when you jump down the life is nice... and when you die you enjoy lots of things.. and you jump down and see? or you suicide.. just because you listen and believe in what people say? well.. come on lah yunru, its time to grow up and to look at things and exprience by yourself... and not being affected by words so easily... you gonna be strong and firm with yourself... just let the time come and you see RP yourself? i am sure clement is going to help you also... and since both of you in the same course.. maybe both of you can encourage and remind each other...? dont worry so much... just work hard.. no matter how much it sucks.. you gonna be strong!!... and if you dont believe yourself.. you should at least believe your shifu... we can easily achieve the things we want if we put in hearts and desires.. so why not just trust him?
why worry things that are beyond your control? wasting your time, your brain cell, making yourself more white hairs :X and so much things just because of one word.. WORRY... so why worry so much that is beyond my control? why? why? let it goes itself.. dont worry so much whether you can go into Uni or not.. stay calm.. stay the way you are when you realise you got into RP, Business Computing.. rememember the excitement you had when you saw the things.. ok? stay relax.. dont worry.. going anywhere might and might not let you into Uni.. just jiayou~~~!!!! no matter what... study hard... and your goal (goin inside U) will be easily achieved within reach! feeling much better now? guess so.. much relax... after the self-talk? haha.. self talk really helps at times... :) thnkx shifu to teach us that in netball ;) *winks* also.. self-talks allow me to make a decision whether to re-take english alone or not.. well the answer yes.. jus english.. because it is a waste of your money if you are going to re-take maths because you wont have the time to practise for your maths? ya la.. and getting a 4 though is not good enough... but is still acceptable bah... anyway.. wondering what is his decision... so just work on your english then.. and if RP is really that relaxing... maybe i will spend my time doing my english tys? let time tells bah... :) finally i clear my thoughts... and it is 1.40am.. i thought it is just 12.. but it is so late already.. haha... going to gym session tomorrow.. hope i remmeber to call to make an appointment.. dont know what is wrong with the knee.. the pain is getting more frequent?.... yAwNz!!! sO tIrEd... No TrAiN tOdAy... I rUn OnE rOuNd... I wEnT iN tHe ScHoOl... I dIdNt CoNtInUe CaUsE 1StLy... My StOmAcH aChEs... AnD mY kNeE hUrTs WhIlE i RuN... nO dEtErMiNaTiOn To RuN aLsO... aNd WaS sO aFrAiD tHaT mR tEo Is GoInG tO dO sOmE oThEr ThInGs OtHeR tHaN tHe RuNnInG oF sIx RoUnDs... So I wEnT iNsIdE tHe ScHoOl... WaS fEeLiNg VeRy TiReD... jUs FeEl LiKe SlEePiNg... AlWaYs FeLt So TiReD aNd SlEePy... SaRbOtAgE sEc OnE... fEeL tHaT i Am ToO nIcE tO tHeM lE... sO tHeY dId OnE sEt Of SuIcIdE rUn... HaHa... ThIs Is ALl AbOuT tRaInInG lAh...
enough of those wording.. sick and tired of typing already.. ok.. after training ask mr teo help me make an appointment he dont want.. so took the number from kelly and then later went for dinner at bedok... then talked alot of rubbish also? later took cab home.. and then js and i talked alot about perrine... during dinner also talked about perrine... came back home... bathe... and then i came here... talked to ms lye... she knew about my JAE result... ok.. but we didnt talk much.... just some serious thing only... but anyway... this arent important... i also went in RP channel... I know i should not be affected by those people words.. but is like.. as what ms lye usually told me.. "learn from other people experience"... and this is already in my mind.. and cause of this... i am abit of regretted to go in RP channel? i am hearing all sort of things... it is not what kelly told me... it is like the negative things about RP... and now is like... i am afraid of studying now..? one thing for sure.. it is no longer the spoon-feeding system anymore.. and i am so used of spoon-feeding.. will i be able to adapt? i need to believe in myself now.. but i really not sure... i am so afraid... so scared now.... i know i should not be affected... but i am just so afraid... they are so much of self-study... no more of spoon-feeding.. and so much so much things i am sooo.... afraid of now... -sighz- and as what mr teo said before... it is not the situation the matters.. is how i react to it... yunru... go in le.. then see how ok? relax... man!!! cool... and like ms lye said... believe in yourself... dont think about it so much le... cool down and relAX... jiayOU~ anyway.. i think i will definately sit for my english paper... cause... if i really hate the study in RP.. and if i am able to manage a pass for it.. i guess i got the slightest chance to quit RP and go to other poly.. well.. for wanting to retake other subject.. i must consider again... *ponder* so troubled!!! argH!!! ok.. today.. nothing much... anyway.. i talked to perrine already.. well.. i think its fair for her lah... well.. i asked if she knows and she knew it.. then i say fine.. then i will forget about it.. and tell her next time learn... dont make this kind of mistake again... and to her is a joke, but she needs to learn what kind of joke to crack... anyway, i forget about it le la... and so well this case is closed...
how should i treat people? well.. this is very important cause i am going to a new environment, and if till now i yet to know i will be in trouble? one problem of me is that, i always mind what others think of me, and its a bad point... Yunru, remember that time during New Year, Mr teo talked to you.. Live your own life... and also.. dont do things just because you want to be with your friends... dont seek their attention... live your life and let them automatically be friends with you... yunru.. remind yourself this ok? stay cool... dont seek their attention.. but anyway.. ok.. i think its really hard for you to be fierce or what la.. so just continue being friendly.. but when the time to be fierce i think i will bah.. ok... english retaking it or not.. hmm... maybe yes bah? for in case lah.. just sit for my english paper lohz... 100 bucks.. hmm its alot.. but well.. its for my future lohz.. so i think jsut sit for it... and then.. hmm.. maybe dont sit for the rest lah... now i am abit worried for studying in RP... well.. no more spoon-feeding.. am i able to adapt to this? i think the life is going to be so damn different... -sighz- not sure.. see how lohz.. haiz.. haha.. i spend 5 hours to blog this.. haha.. i started blogging at 6pm actually.. and i am still here.. haha.. anyway.. so much things to think.. bye.. retake english? it will cost about one hundred... if i fail means i waste that 100.. but if i dont... i am wasting my chance... but nto sure.. ok.. i am left with 5 days to decide.. by this friday i must make an decision.. ok.. slowly think bah...
Yawnz... so tired today... but i didnt train today lah... went to school... then later talked lohz... then after that training.... then play with them, then later they do drills... then today i totally take the sec 1... ^o).. dotz lohz.. haha... but nevermind sec1 released earlier.. so is ok.. haha....
when will perrine learn? i really dont know how i feel about perrine... sometimes i really like her... really want to be with her.. have fun with her... but... sometimes i really dislike to be with her.. just like today.. she really dont know what to talk... when she wore the C bibs she kept come disturb me.. say you can wear mah? i totally ignore her.. i just put her in the ignore list at that moment.. let her be in her madness situation... i just gave her the whatever face and do what i want to do... then later i released the sec 1.. i walked to cindy that side.. i heard my name from her and mr teo... and so later on i went over to adeline that side and ask what is it she talked about.. and what i heard!? "Yunru you ji ge chuan zhe ge bib mah?" what the fuck!? you think you very good ar? even if you are, you shouldnt be this lohz... and i guess mr teo replied her "excuse me, when yunru is wearing this bib, you have not even touched the ball" i felt so useless now.... im always being tease... always... when teacher tease me, i have got nothing to say... well they are elder then me.. and i know that they will know the limit of what to say? and.. when is thsoe who are same age as me tease me.. well.. i am fine with it too... but when juniors tease me.. i just felt so useless... i felt that no one just give me respect? the thought of perrine saying that do i have the right to wear C bib, my tear just start rolling down.... she have no respect to me at all... and i just felt so damn bloody down... am i just being too nice to people and they start having no respect? the moment when su wei told me what perrine said.. i just asked myself this question.. "should i just get stricter abit?" but i just really dont understand this.. why is when people are nice.. others tend to take it for granted? i admit.. i am like this too.. i do take people for granted too.. hmm... maybe this is an reflection? i really not sure... just feeling so useless now... what should i do? change my way of treating them? i really dont know... ... ... ... ... i shant think about this... hope perrine can learn what to say.. what not to say... i am not angry with her,, just disappointed that till now.. she still yet to learn... 42 days more i start school le.. looking forward? i not sure.. let nature take its course.. and good luck.. study hard... jiayou ~! I think I am really very excited over the fact that I got into Republic Poly... and the course is Business Computing... hmm... should I really say that this is the course I really wanted? Well, Business Com is one of the course that I see it and I am interested in the first look, and well, I was afraid I could not get in, cause of their COP was low last year, but cause of Mr Teo, he said why not just give it a try? Worse come to worse, I just get into Info Tech... and so, regardless of the COP, I just gave it a try, and well, I really got in... really must thank mr teo... if not cause of him, I guess I wont be in there, and most probably in Info Tech already, which I dont really want? I was over excited yesterday, and I did not thank him, well, right now I want to thank him before I forget and so I sms him, and here again.. Thank You Mr Teo... Lots of thanks!
Ok, hopefully, this time round I dont want to waste my chance or regret once again, as what mr teo believe in, in life when you cant learn something, the thing will keep on coming back till you learn it... I not sure if I am being influence by him or what... but this is already in my mind... and is like... now I believe that if now I in BC, and if I dont want to study again or I slack again, I am going to regret for choosing this course again.. or I am going to end up in nothing again... and right now I believe is that GOD is giving me another chance to study, to get to where I want to go... I had missed the chance to get into JC and move on to Uni, and now I am given another chance to study in Poly and able to move on to Uni, and being "punished" severely cause of my O' level result.. so I must not waste my chance again and also to learn the lesson and remember the day when I received my result, if not I think I can really forget about going to Uni and becoming a teacher... And if I were to have the same attitude in secondary I think by the end of my poly, I think I am going to be the same... because I have yet to learn... In secondary, I always reach home and play computer, go online, chat with friends, dont do homework(especially maths), in class, sleep in the class, talk, dont want to listen... well, I had wasted my talent? I spend my sec 3 n 4 life in netball and studies and computer... seriously netball wasnt the reason I cant do well, but cause of my playfulness... If I were to pay attention and do my homework, I think my maths wont get this kind of result.. B4? I think maths is my stronger subject, and because of my immaturity, I waste my talent... Sec 1 n 2, maths I can get distinction... and sec 3 n 4 I failed? History is not going to repeat itself, I wont let it happen again, I must alwyas focus that I want to get into the Uni, this will be my last chance to get in Uni, and I cant waste it anymore... If I get into any CCA, I know I am going to be very committed in it, but CCA wont be the reason I cant do well, I must not let my playfulness to harm me... I dont like to study, yes, i hate it, but yunru, would you like to hate something for 3 years and like doing something in future or you would like to do something you like for 3 years and hate doing something for in future? So, just bear with it, endure it... now you got into the course you wanted, so do it well... It is not the situation that matters, it is how you look at it and react to it... you are now in a favourable situation, as in got what you wanted and everything, you cant take it for granted like how you did in sec3 n 4, as what mr teo says before, you can get into a course you like and not doing well, or you can get into a course you dont like and do well... so now.. since you are now in a good situation.. dont waste it le.. do it well.. perform well... like what lydia's nick.. ' Do what u can now, if not u wont get anotehr chance' GOD is nice enough to give you another chance, and so.. I CANNOT WASTE IT!!!! Aim:- study hard and move on to university - hopefully i can really start wushu :) hee hee... Jiayou le yunru~!!! |
Plan your life like forever, but live today like there is no tomorrow... Stay positive :)World is unfair... things keep coming back til you learn...
++InTrOdUcTiOn++ ::xIaOyUn:: ::Born on 18/08/87:: ::Unqiue Leo:: ::Yu Neng, EastSpring, Republic Poly:: ::Netball, Badminton, Track&Field, Librarian, Table-tennis, Choir:: ::To be PE teacher, camp instructor... ::Sporty:: ::Outgoing:: ::Friendly?:: ::Fun-to-be-with:: ::Low self-esteem:: ::Low self-confidence:: ::Between Optismist and Pessismist ::Sensitive:: ::Emotional:: ::Quite bad-tempered:: ::Short:: ++LOVES++ ::Play Sports:: ::Surf the net and Chat:: ::Laze arnd, Sleep, Slack:: ::Green, Blue, Yellow:: ::To be: Pe Teacher, Camp instructor:: ::East Spring Netball team:: ::My friends, hubby, disciples and shifu(mr teo):: ++WiShLiSt++ .~.Jacket (preferably nike).~. .~. .~.Storybook so to improve my english :) .~.Save money for all my buyable items.~. .~.A sports bag.~. .~.Nike Shorts.~. .~. .~.Mp3player.~. .~.Man Utd Jersey.~. .~.Bball shorts (black).~. .~. .~.Spending my birthday with ES peepx.~. .~.RP improved in IVP.~. .~.I play as a good Center.~. .~.Able to control the game.~. .~.Join RP bball.~. .~.Commited in wushu, netball and bball.~. .~.DO well in my studies.~. .~.Move on to my future.~. .~.Dont stay in my past.~. .~.Get a B for my Eng O's this year.~. .~.ES netball team will perform.~. .~.People who I care live happily.~. .~.Learn as many sports as possible.~. .~.Study in Uni.~. .~.Weight become 45kg.~. .~.More confident in myself.~. ++People I wont forget++ .+.Buddy - Jesline aka Panda.+. .+.Buddy - Sihua aka Da ge.+. .+.Buddy - Hui Ching aka Ah Neox.+. .+.Buddy - Rosling aka Brother Xiaowong.+. .+.Buddy - Kelly aka Auntie.+. .+.Buddy - Cindy aka Blur Queen.+. +.+Tudi - Huiwen aka lamer no.1+.+ +.+Tudi - Adeline aka lamer 2+.+ +.+Tudi - Jinshu aka Idiot+.+ +.+Tudi - Siriporn aka ah bui+.+ +.+Tudi - Suwei+.+ =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Cheryl aka Sotong no. 1=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Hui Ying aka Sotong no.2=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Perrine aka Sotong no.3=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Jane aka Sotong no. 4=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Jolene aka Sotong no.5=.= (",)Mummy (Ms Lye) (",)Shifu aka Daddy (Mr Teo) (",)Shifu aka Dua Hai(Mr Lai) (",)Hubby (Mr Leong) (",)Ben Hai (Mr Tay) 
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