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wah lauzz.... i slept at 6am.. LoL.. hahaha... i was playing gunbound until this late lohz.. haha.. i wasnt tired and so i was thinking should i not sleep and then go training at 8am? cause is just an hour later... so... i think and think and think... then i felt asleep... and my hp didnt rang at 7.30am... so i didnt go training...
12.15pm... adeline woke me up... and i thought was like 10am only? haha.. i was so tired.. hee hee.. then later i really wake up at 4pm? LoL.. so late.. haha.. but is normal? LoL... haha... hmm... then what i did after that? of cause is gunbound again.. no life.. hee hee.. so sianz... hmm.. after that what did i do again? eh.. flipping through the courses again... :( mum didnt ask anything.. so i didnt tell her again.. hmm... -_-!!! dont know how lah.. see how 1st... haha... but these days i have been dreaming that i am back in eastspring studying again... haha... -gosh!- after dinner.. i play... again.. now chatting.. so start to blog.. hee hee hee... :x  hmm.. feeling is fading... happy or sad? i dont know... [she] came together with her... having fun with her... well... i focus on the game... and i am glad that at least i have done a good job on the recording... :) well.. there is nothing i can say about [her] anymore... [she] doesnt care... and... when [she] needs help then [she] approach me... nvm lah... forget about it... i must remember what mr teo says... "must not let [her] affect my mood easily" .... life still goes on with or without [her]... .i should just be happy when [she] is happy with her... :) and if [she] needs help then i help lohz....
ok... wake up and went to school... chatted with adeline and jinshu at first.. later on go to the PE room.. then later do dont know what also.. forget already.. haha... later go to Hai Sing watch the juniors play... hmm... before their game i went over to TKGS there.. and talked to Rury :) hmm.. she reminded me that they going to meet on Monday.. then i was.. oh ya.. haha.. hmm.. their team is quite strong? why? as i was watching.. why is it that they are able to be like this.. and why is my school cannot? i not sure... -.-!!! talk talk talk... then she told me about her stuffs.. console her abit.. and i went back... when the juniors were doing the drills.. they kept dropping balls and stuffs.. but i just kept quiet.. anyway.. TK lost to AHS... -sighz-... nvm.. after that the juniors start their game.... and i start my recording... with envious heart... and this is how the game goes.... they done well... played pretty well then the last game... well done.. :) i was very shocked by jeslyn... its been pretty long time since she play GS and she shoots rather well... :) she is those kind of typical GS... waiting at the back for a nice lob pass... and jump and then shoot... she is much better then eileen? hmm... i feel that jeslyn and huiying can communicate rather well.. and jeslyn lob pass is very nice... hmm... jeslyn will be a better GS then GK... and she likes playing GS... that was what her sis told me before... for the rest of the player.. hmm cheryl also improve... she runs more now.. and also defends also? ok.. eileen play WA better then GS... really... how about the rest... hmm... nto very sure also.. haha... just focusing on the recording so didnt really focus on people also... after the game.. i didnt go to the beach.. feeling extra to be there as im not 4e4 people.. js, adeline and i go and eat KFC.. at first wanted to eat mac.. then KFC people give coupons... then i looked and stopped suddenly and say.. lets turn back go eat KFC... hahaha... both of them so PAISEH... then say walk from another side... haha.. we reached there.. the person also came in.. they two boweigong.. hee hee hee... wah we 3 chat alot... from 7pm till 10pm... LoL... 3hours.. girls will always be girls.. talk always talk so much.. hahaha... ok... hmm.. wondering should i go training or not... very early leh... sure cannot wake up.. hmm maybe i try to wake up.. if can then i go.. if not i dont go... see how.... ok.. i have eliminate 2 polys now.. narrowing my choices now... RP and NP will not be my choice... after a long thinking yesterday.. i have decided to RP and NP wont be my choice... and most likely will be NYP... i shall look into SP and TP and if i really not interested then i shall look closer into NYP's courses and decide.. furthermore.. NYP is near to a MRT station.. and is accessible you see? so that is one reason of why i want NYP also... didnt talk to my mum.. wake up she went to sleep.. cause she is sick? then reach home she go to sleep also.. so didnt talk.. ok end of today... :) Mr Teo... this is specially for you... Thank you so much for your help for these 4 years.. but especially these few days.. you been enlightening me... you been troubled and down but you still sit down and enlighten me... you spend your sleeping time on net telling me what is wrong and what is right... you bring me out and telling me what I should do.... you drove me to Polys just because you read what I wrote(wonder if I have bothered you).... you counsel me... you did almost everything... though you are down these days... really down... but yet you spend your little time to help me... There are alot of things which you helped and it is hard for me to list down all...
I really do not know how should I thank you.. really! the thank you I want to tell you is uncountable... I am really thankful that God make me knowing you... and I am really grateful to have you as my teacher, friend.... There are really lots of things for me to tell you, but I do not know how to put it into words... You have done alot of things which no-one had done it... but anyway... I promise that I will be there when you need help... I will be there for you like how you are there for me.... I am very glad that you have decide of what you want to do? You sort out your mind?Dont be so down, and troubled... and it really worries me and us... Well, JIAYOU!!! Me, as your "tudi" :p will always support you in everything you do?.. hee :x I am very sure you can do it! Enjoy in the things you do... love it! :)You are always strong in my eyes... You are more than a teacher to me... you are a friend, a father to me... and most of all A ROLE MODEL.... I am now following your footsteps... I am slowly learning from you... so be strong! :) I still need your guidance along the way... I will try hard to be like you in 10years time? I will always remember you, your words to pave the road... I will show you that I am going to be like you in 10 years time.... :)... and definately I need your light... :) Anyway... those encouragement are really nothing compared to yours... but still thank you for that poem :) and... thanks for today! This poem is just for you... ! You're the person that I most admire, The person that I most would like to be. Your friendship, like a torch, has lit a fire Deep within the cave where I am me. Because of you, I want to be a teacher, Touching someone's life as you've touched mine. And when I'm you I'll know just how to reach her, Giving her the faith that she can shine. Though you now must leave, and we must part, A little piece of you remains behind, Held with gratitude within my heart, A portrait of a lady good and kind. You will be part of everything I do; When I need strength, I'll look inside for you. went to school at around 11.15am to help out at the pe room.. pump some balls and so stuffs? and then at first i was relieved cause mr teo didnt say much in the room.. but.. he asked if i am free afternoon.. ask me be his "PA"... then ok... then i know he going to say something later on....
school dismissed... after a while he said.. lets not wait.. and go.. i was -.-! .... later there was a secondary 1 ger who talk to mr teo.. then he told me things.. gosh.. stupid stephanie.. irritating idiot!!!.. haha.. :x .. ok after that then in the car talk about the sec 1s for a while? wanted to tell him what Kelly want to say but dont dare to say(trainin sec1 for him) but in the end i didnt say, cause he have not decide the list? but nevermind.. jesline have said it... then later he asked about my mum stuffs... after hearing to him.. and he is quite right? i decided to tell her today... BUT! she didnt won the toto.. so no choice... no mood.. say already.. sure die straight.. maybe tomorrow before i go to school? shall see how... what he said was right... fear grows everyday.. and no parents look down on their children.. but.. still the lack of communication since young leads to this... but i did told my sis.. but.. she no reaction.. so i also no care.. but.. my dad today gave my sis his company's bursary.. then he say.. "yunru, when you got your result, give me your result and the school you going to.. and i will help you get $1500.. than in poly already.. try hard then go university..." alamak.. i dont even know can go poly ma... think so far.. -.-! at that point of time.. hoping my mum can come and ask me again.. what course i choose? but i know it never happen.. when my dad is talking.. she will never talk one... and i will hit mr teo's advice.. hint her.. but.. she didnt.. she is too engrossed with the toto.. -.-! enough of her... ok after that... after he finish his work... he drove me to NYP.. (thank you very much)... got the brochures... and then drove out.. and go to ngee ann poly... anyway.. thanks for the food also... ok reach ngee ann poly... its their open house.. he wanted me to go alone.. but im afraid? im shy? im timid? i dont dare to... and he accompany me again... (sorry mr teo... i really dont dare!) ... inside just took the brochure again.. and look around only.. -sighz- feel so bad? n useless? dont dare to ask around or what? he shook his head.. and said i wasted my time... :( and then later a little silence in the car? and he said something like "its one thing to be shy? but its another thing when you are alone and you are desperate..." i feel so bad at that moment... and i just kept silence and think and think... after that he send me to newton mrt station.. and he went off... on my way back... these are my thoughts... "he is right.. really right.. i think is time i must grow up now.. and is time i should depends on myself?"..."he is helping me, which i want.. and yet i am doing nothing!?and not helping myself?.. depending on him!???"..."when you are not helping yourself.. no matter how much people help you.. you also cant get the things done!".."maybe i should tell my mum today" ... many thoughts just appearing in my mind.. and i keep on thinking on my way back home... and now i have decided to make a decision.. and then i go to sleep... since i have enough rest just now? I got lots to say.. but I dont know how should I put it... well.. i can say.. i'm very confused and there is a kind of feelign that i dont know how to describe... and thinking for so long.. and been trying to type and delete... really dont know what i should say.. -sighz- maybe later then i blog ... :(
haha.. tml no trg no match no anythin.. think the same old me going to come again.. im going to spend my time thinking of rubbish again.. anyone going out or what please tell em can? i dont want to stay at home! i dont wish to think.. really!!! even if i want to gather all the poly's magazine.. but.. i dont want to do it alone.. im sure i will become bonkers when i do it alone.. i will definately think alot of shit and things... really.. please.. some one help me???
seriously speaking.. sometimes i do wonder if im really the child of my mum... im so different for my sis.. she is now in NUS.. hey.. and what you? eastspring? going to re-take o... oh man... and my sis is liek in ngee ann.. and what? best class... and o level got a 13pointsZ!? ahha.. and she go JC.. and where you go? ha.. now i remember .. my mum told my that aunt.. make him go ITE la.. why retake.. hey man.. i DONT WANT ITE!!! IS NOT I DESPISE ITE.. BUT I NO INTEREST.. WILL YOU UNDERSTAND ME? NO!!! you never understand me.. so am i really your child? maybe no? *ponders* haiz... so sad.. so disheartening... that day when she was talking to my aunt.. i was like ok.. im dead.. really dead... how to face her? hwo to face all my aunts? hwo to? and my sis? she got such a lousy sista... a sister who is so lousy... its liek one heaven and one hell... -sighz- dont want to talk about this anymore!!! hmm... Feb... Feb.... Feb.... the month of death... result is coming out soon... -sighz- so worried... thinking of re-taking my o's is getiing stronger... the fear is stronger too... every moment my mum asked me what course you going to take... i have the urge to say.. i wnat re-take o... but... -sighz- think she is not going allow me.. think she is going to kill me for that? or rather scold me until i cant take it? she "Scolded" my aunt to allow my cousin to re-take o's... oh man.. if is me... how is she going to face her? i really not sure... i felt so down and useless man... full of regrets... -sighz- how i wish if i can go back to sec3 again? i really wish i can... if i were to fail my o's can i start from sec 3 rather then take o's this year? i feel that i want to start from scratch.. thinking that will be the best man.. -sighz-
i'm thinking how am i going to tell my mum my results on that day.. i think before she kills me... i think i will go and jump down 1st.. -sighz- this time is not going to be like P6-- i happily call her:"mummy.. i got 203... i can go express!!!" she was happy though was 40marks less than jiejie.. but she was happy tellin my aunts that at least i got 200 cause she thought i am not going to get above 200... this is isnt going to be like my chinese o level... i call home telling my sis " eh.. jie.. i got B4!" and she say not bad le... and.. when i reach home.. i told my mum about it.. know what i get!? sad for wat? B4 B4 la.. sad what.. cry what... u imagine when i got back my o lebel result.. when i was so depressed and i reached home i get such things!? i was so sad when i got this from my mum!!! even my sis can console me... and i got this from my mum.. rather then a console word??? really imagine people.. i reach home i get this... i think i will really jump down!!! i will really want to die... maybe if i really get a bad result.. i think i will not go home man... i dont wish to get more depressed when my mum... supposingly the closest person to say such depressing words.... i really not sure guys!!! really imagine.. i call back.. "mummy.. i fail all subjects.. im cant even go ITE.." wah lau... this goin to bad man! thoughts thoughts thoughts have been filling my mind all these while... making me so troubled so confused.... fear fear fear.. -sighz- oh man.. ok.. even i can get into poly... what course am i going to take? maybe sports and wellness management bah.. mr teo is right... at least do something around my circle of interest.. and maybe i wont need to be one.. i still can carry on with what i want.. but... seriously other than sports and wellness.. i'm thinking of computer courses.. but i dont know which 1.. i want to ask mr teo about it.. but... he is too busy with his work, netball and stuffs and so stress up... how am i going to ask him about my poly stuffs? when this doesnt concern him at all? i not sure man... haiz.. maybe gotta figure out myself... *ppl who is reading my blog... especially to those who have not sit for you o level paper... please study well.. dont play play like me le.. really...!!! im feeling real remorseful... regret for not listening to mr teo... my sis... everyone... its really bad when you know you not going to do well and your mum is so demoralising... and your mum scold people for their children... you wont have the face to face your mum at all.. you feel yourself as a useless child... you feel yourself as a lousy person... and when you write your blog and you cry.. this is really no good.. so please... JUNIORS.. study well... dont dig your own grave!!! I just read Mr Teo's blog.. gosh have I said the wrong thing just now? I really dont know.. I think just now wasnt the right time to tell him those.. -sighz-... guess I have done the wrong thing bah.. haiz... super haiz lohz... Well... i added those burdens to him? I really dont know.. feeling so bad about it... I just dont know what can i do... he had been helping me all these while.. you see? and i always sit here and do nothing or rather unable to do something.. or dont know what to do when he is disappointed and upset... -sighz- sometimes i just hope i can help him like how he help me? i really not sure siaz... -sighz- now.. i am really feeling real bad... to say those things just now...??? and now.. im so worried the email i sent him might add on to his troubles? I really hope not.. but i'm really speaking the truth... and really hope to clear? hmm.. maybe i'm stil not matured enough to be able to help people... -sighz-
just now went to watch the sec 2 play their first game... its really a disappointment.. i was expecting them to do like how they are when we play last thursday? but.. they didnt... it was really disappointing... maybe its right not to expect anything? so when they produce result its a bonus? i not sure.. but without expectation... how are they going to improved? i dont know... -sighz- so confused.. haha... anyway, im isnt the coach or what.. but i jus feel this disappointment.. and i think mr teo will feel worse because he is the coach... but i really dont know what to say... but i really hope they can change.... really! i dont wish to blog the rest of the things already.. cause im isnt in the mood too.. sorry guys... hey hey hey... woke up at... haha.. 4pm! scared to get scolded.. .den i go haf my lunch.. pengz.. den my mum asked me whether want to eat or not.. as in dinner.. then i say.. no.. cause.. ON DIET.. hee hee.. :) working hard to get my target.. 45kg!!! i musu get the weight 45kg.. cause i am short, so must be light also.. people same height as me, then so light.. me.. le.. so fat! all fats.. and oil.. so i must target 45kg! then slowly from there work on to 40kg.. hee hee.. slowly bah... this is my 1st target..
2nd target is to save money.. i actually spent $840.. as in from the day i got ATM card i used $840 from my bank! oh no!.. thats alot.. cause other than using these $840, I think i actually used up some of the money given by my dad... lucky mummy no more give me if not guess i will spend more... hmm.. spending $840, i only save $400.. gosh.. so now trying to save up.. so by saving.. i cannot eat alot, i must stop eating so much food... so to save up my money, and to work on my 1st target.. :) so my 2nd target is to save another $600... to save up.. maybe i should really get some part-time job... shall see how... oh yeah.. know what guys? some one called me.. unfamiliar voice.. do you know who called? is MARTIN! oh.. gosh.. someone who i liked in primary school.. hee hee.. for 2years.. like him two years lohz.. haha.. he called me.. and know what? he asked me out for dinner!!! hurray!!! so happy.. i was so happy and shocked till i talked nonsense.. haha.. but the dinner going to be 9pm! gosh.. so late.. but nvm.. i'm still happy.. hee hee hee... still thinking what should i wear to meet him haha.. hey.. think better not expect too much, if not you going to be too upset if things turn not right.. yeah? what i done today? hmm.. play gunbound again.. den chat abit.. oh ya.. i did 1 thing! what mr teo told me yesterday... i actually told rury.. why? cause she is feeling the same old thing like.. totally same situation! gosh.. and what i did was counsel her.. hee hee.. and i actually said things without looking at the chat log yesterday.. hmm.. think this thing haf gone into my brain so i can remember? i dont know.. but i am now reminding myself on n on .. on n on.. haha.. wah so late le.. think play gunbound for a while then go zzz leh.. :) *pls dun rain tml! and let the gers haf a good game! hope they perform well! and... good luck for myself tml.. when i haf dinner wif martin... :) last but not least.. HOPE I CAN REMEMBER TO BRING ICE TML! My "SHIFU" talked to me again... dont need get into the details... but he helped me to release one of the burden :) ... he clear my thoughts, he enlighten me... make me clear the doubts.. :)
Now... this have gone.... but there are still some things in my mind... why why why???? why are [u] treating me like this??? why!!!??? can tell me why??? its been months since [u] sms me and now [u] did... its been months since [u] started the conversation.. but now [u] did.. yesterday, i was praying hoping [u] will msg me.. but [u] didnt... but [u] did it today.. why? i wanted to msg [u]... but i saw [ur] display pic and so i didnt msg [u]... but [u] changed [ur] pic and then talked to me... why are [u] doin this? i duno... now.. [u] add on to my heavy heart... -sighz- one more problem... -sighz-
ITS FEB... GETTING MY RESULT SOON.. -SIGHZ- PREPARE TO DIE BAH! HAHAHA.... ON THE DAY I GET MY RESULT.. THINK I SHOULD JUST GO AND JUMP DOWN!!!! hmm... what is wrong? i could not finish my lunch... i just force the food down my throat.. and i just feel like vomitting... hmm... and i woke up quite early? early to me.. hmm.. i woke up at 1pm... and i slept at 5am... wah.. thats like 8hours? hmm... its been a long time since i slept for so short... hmm.. maybe when you are full of thought, heavy heart you cant sleep well and eat well? maybe.. -sighz- what a sunday.. so boring.. i just hate it when i am alone at home, or when i have nothing to do, i will think of stupid things... and now cause the trouble...-sighz- yesterday was so boring at home.. and i was alone when i woke up.. and cause of that.. listening to sad songs... make me think of sad things.. and now.. still like that... -sighz- nevermind.. shant complain too much.. hmm.. let me try to think of happy things then...
Happy Birthday Mr CHew And Mr Leong Some Quotes... My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others. That is nice but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success.
~ Helen Hayes ~ You become a champion by fighting one more round. When things are tough, you fight one more round. ~ James J. Corbett ~ You just keep pushing. You just keep pushing. I made every mistake that could be made. But I just kept pushing. ~ Rene Mcpherson ~ Kena nag once again.. haha... hmm.. this is what my mum said today... "Bu ting lao ren yan, ci kui zai yan qian..." i was just "hitting" my neck.. then she saw, and she said.. that.. she say, always dont want listen to her, dont want sleep early, and dont want to have a proper sitting posture.. now this is what i get.. :S haha.. what i can say is.. one ear listen.. another ear come out.. hee hee.. so bad.. dont know lah.. trying to sit properly also.. cause the whole neck down to the buttock hurts sometimes..
ok... this morning mr teo sms me.. hmm.. what he said quite interesting, but.. as usual, just hope still able to go back netball.. thats all.. anyway.. still thanks for your help?... wake up at 9++ see sms, then later sleep again.. then 11++ sms js, caused actually going out.. later she cant go then i said i still sleeping, so dont want go, hmm.. later i sleep again... about 1pm.. my dont know who and grandma came.. i didnt bother.. sorry .. no respect.. but i continue to sleep.. hee hee.. around 3 thats the time i wake up.. hee hee hee... thats pig of me.. haha.. wake up.. sis going out.. so left me alone.. i on the music loud loud.. and i play gunbound.. hmm.. play and play.. and i go weigh myself again.. hey.. i am so glad to say.. my weight now is remaining 48 or 49kg.. hee hee.. thats great! working towards my target! (45kg) hee hee.. :) later eat dinner.. wtach tv.. play gunbound.. and i am here.. LoL.. haha... :x anyway.. its been days since i talk to [u], and i know [u] have been going out with her.. but.. there is nothing i can do or say.. and i dont wish to do anything.. cause i have promise myself to let go.. and.. furthermore you know i had admit.. but.. i hope you still know inside me still the same... oh, i realise one thing.. most of the netball players have no life.. all in our life is just netball.. you look at everyones' blog... you will realise.. when there is training then there will be a blog-in.. if not.. it doesnt.. ahha.. well.. netball took up most of our time during school time.. and this is why.. i could not let go... because out of a sudden, something which have become part of your life is gone.. you definately dont wish to let it go... |
Plan your life like forever, but live today like there is no tomorrow... Stay positive :)World is unfair... things keep coming back til you learn...
++InTrOdUcTiOn++ ::xIaOyUn:: ::Born on 18/08/87:: ::Unqiue Leo:: ::Yu Neng, EastSpring, Republic Poly:: ::Netball, Badminton, Track&Field, Librarian, Table-tennis, Choir:: ::To be PE teacher, camp instructor... ::Sporty:: ::Outgoing:: ::Friendly?:: ::Fun-to-be-with:: ::Low self-esteem:: ::Low self-confidence:: ::Between Optismist and Pessismist ::Sensitive:: ::Emotional:: ::Quite bad-tempered:: ::Short:: ++LOVES++ ::Play Sports:: ::Surf the net and Chat:: ::Laze arnd, Sleep, Slack:: ::Green, Blue, Yellow:: ::To be: Pe Teacher, Camp instructor:: ::East Spring Netball team:: ::My friends, hubby, disciples and shifu(mr teo):: ++WiShLiSt++ .~.Jacket (preferably nike).~. .~. .~.Storybook so to improve my english :) .~.Save money for all my buyable items.~. .~.A sports bag.~. .~.Nike Shorts.~. .~. .~.Mp3player.~. .~.Man Utd Jersey.~. .~.Bball shorts (black).~. .~. .~.Spending my birthday with ES peepx.~. .~.RP improved in IVP.~. .~.I play as a good Center.~. .~.Able to control the game.~. .~.Join RP bball.~. .~.Commited in wushu, netball and bball.~. .~.DO well in my studies.~. .~.Move on to my future.~. .~.Dont stay in my past.~. .~.Get a B for my Eng O's this year.~. .~.ES netball team will perform.~. .~.People who I care live happily.~. .~.Learn as many sports as possible.~. .~.Study in Uni.~. .~.Weight become 45kg.~. .~.More confident in myself.~. ++People I wont forget++ .+.Buddy - Jesline aka Panda.+. .+.Buddy - Sihua aka Da ge.+. .+.Buddy - Hui Ching aka Ah Neox.+. .+.Buddy - Rosling aka Brother Xiaowong.+. .+.Buddy - Kelly aka Auntie.+. .+.Buddy - Cindy aka Blur Queen.+. +.+Tudi - Huiwen aka lamer no.1+.+ +.+Tudi - Adeline aka lamer 2+.+ +.+Tudi - Jinshu aka Idiot+.+ +.+Tudi - Siriporn aka ah bui+.+ +.+Tudi - Suwei+.+ =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Cheryl aka Sotong no. 1=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Hui Ying aka Sotong no.2=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Perrine aka Sotong no.3=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Jane aka Sotong no. 4=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Jolene aka Sotong no.5=.= (",)Mummy (Ms Lye) (",)Shifu aka Daddy (Mr Teo) (",)Shifu aka Dua Hai(Mr Lai) (",)Hubby (Mr Leong) (",)Ben Hai (Mr Tay) 
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