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Stop being afraid if any of them were to blame you to "sarbo" them... stop having fear that you cant take it... FAITH now is the word that you need now... FAITH.. Having faith in yourself... come on!!! :)
If every one in the team were to blame you... I am sure there will be two person who will not... and in their heart.. they really wont blame you... - perrine and mr teo- some might say they dont blame you.. but in their heart they will.. but who cares about them? YOU are helping them.. not sarbo them.... and what the feels and what they think are none of your control... so.. dont think about things that are beyond your control.. :)  I really feel like standing in the open... being alone... standing alone in the heavy rain.. no thunder to disturb me.. no lightnings...i just wish to stand there... reflecting.. and thinking properly.. clearing all my thoughts... i really want to stand in the rain...
Mr leong mention to me before... i am still having a very weak willpower... hmm.. reflecting it... i realise too... .hmm... i realise i am always affected by minor fact.. minor change... i always set my mind to do something.. but in the end.. cause something happen.. i stop doing it... i am really getting weaker... i am worse than the past... and in the past i am already quite bad.. so nw.. i am actually getting from bad to worse? i am not just speaking about just netball... is about my own character too.. my life.. in life i really no willpower at all... .... .... ... .... can you all imagine... i love sports so much... i am willing to sacrifice most of my things... having so much passion.. having so much fighting spirits... having so much determination just because of netball in the past.. and now... i am losing all.. can you imagine how my life is like now? sports is my life.. and the things i do in the past is no longer here anymore... so now.. my life what is it like? living one day by one day.. just because i have to? i really do not know what the hell i am thinking now.. but.. i am really confused... anyway.. think now i can answer why is it that i am afraid of joining the team for traininig now... i got the answer today... suddenly.. haha.. well.. maybe is cause i am really looking down on myself.. thinking i am just a bad player cant be cmpared to the sec 3s or 2s.. and therefore i feel that when i go back.. i will feel weird.. as a senior should be good? and i am not? i should be fit.. but i wasnt fit at all... and if i were to not able to take the training.. how to answer to the them? 2nd reason was because... i am too concern with my pride? thinking if any of them were to laugh at you you could not take it? and afraid someone is going to tell you again or ask you again.. "yunru, why you keep coming back training? you dotn feel weird meh? dont feel extra meh? dont come back lah"...??? so concering about your own pride? and because of these you keep forcing yourself to speed up... make yourself so miserable.. keep rushing yourself? ok lah.. 1 thing i am sure of is.. i no longer have the determintion anymore... well i do still have the "never give up" attitude.. but i am not forcing myself... well.. time is what i need i guess... and the following really suits the situation now... "Don't dwell on past mistakes. Leave yesterday behind, along with all it's problems, worries and doubts. Realize you can't change the past, but you can start a new tomorrow. Don't try to do everything at once; take one step at a time" Don't ever be afraid to try the Impossible no matter what others may think. Remember you are Unique in your own special way. Don't ever stop Dreaming! Don't ever stop wanting what's right for you! well.. its true... i should just forget about the past now... or leave the past behind... start anew again... mr teo is right.. i should start now.. if i dont.. the others will really overtake me.. a brand new yunru... start liek what you used to be... do not care about what others might say... do your own thing... do what you want... and... take my time... slowly learn... slowly get back... in a while i am sure i can get back... faith in yourself... go back on wednesday.. and thursday.. train like them.. train like i am yunru in sec2... a person who needs all the training... endure everything... endure the pain.. endure the hardship like what you used to do... maybe its harder now.. but i still must keep on trying... like today movie.. "you are not failure when you keep trying... you are a failure is only when you stop trying..." i should not stop trying... you can do it for last 3 years.. why not now? you sure can do it want! all you need to change from the past and now is.. you need to be confident in yourself... you must have faith in yourself... come on.. jiayou~!!! Full of thoughts again... anyway I am very tired now... really very very tired!!! Is it mentally? Physically? Both? think is both bah.. maybe cause i am really physically tired and so it leads to my mental strength low too... having headaches now.. continuosly two days having headache.. gosh.. sicknes yet to recover?
briefly blog about today before going to my thoughts... go school play basketball.. because of "her".. sacrifice my sleep cause of this... well.. one of the wish fufilled? nevermind.. had fun... tu-dIs got selection today.. suppose to meet them after.. but they finished earlier... so meet them after that... at about 4pm.. catch a movie (haunted mansion)... laughing alot.. but.. perrine.. haiz.. (irritating perrine acting up today).. so i ignored most of the time... came home to eat dinner.. mum n sis complain me not going home for dinner.. so promised to have it today... and then now i am here... muscle aching anyway.. ahha.. other than no problem.. my knee now ok.. weird leg also lah.. heck lah.. weakly siaz.. muscle aches! woohoo.. came back from training + dinner... wah lau.. quite depressing actually... am i really old already that i could not do it? or is it that i too rush of getting back my to shape... that everything i cant do i felt so sick about it... why? what is happening? i felt so useless... -sighz- what the fuck man.. what is wrong with me? -sighz- i really slacken alot... :( should i go down on wednesday and thursday? *ponder* *ponder*
today run abit.. feel the tightness in my chest... could not breathe... out of oxygen.. feeling like my brain is freeze.. than when see is like abit giddy.. haiz dont really know how to say the feeeling.. but is it because of my sickness? i doubt so... but i just could not make it man.. my stamina sucks to the core... my willpower sucks to the core... -sighz- everything just sucks lah... run abit only lohz.. haiz... so sad... :( no willpower or determination to run actually... haiz... went back to school... then mr teo was there... hmm.. ok.. went up the hall.. we did shadowing.. hmm.. eh.. didnt able to do well.. quite alot of sprinting so feeling quite difficult to catch up... but still i finished it... later on do the ball hit the wall then dont know what thingy... -sighz- felt so sianz about it.. could not finish the 50! 50!!! just 50.. and i could nto do it? it sucks! i hate this man.. i feel that my chest pass is worse than the sec1.. mr teo is right... i need to do ball drills too.. ha.. always thought that ball handling is not the part that is the problem.. but it is... -sighz- i cant do proper chest past actually... this suckx! i cannot finish the 50!!!? why is it so? haiz... later on... huiying and perrine do her things.. and then i just sit down and see.. hmm... their punishments = sucide run... -.- later on... i have to be the defender... wah lau... stand up... -.- same problem.. the knee twionk again... but after a while ok again... sianz... so slow so slow.. defending so slow... reaction kns... sianz... (too rush? or too kns?) anyway... i lost it... i have to do two sets of sucide run... they have four... one thing i am glad about today is i can do the sucide run within 1.40min.. hmm... i thought i am going to finish it by 2min.. but i didnt.. but the 3rd set i did.. was shit lah.. guess 2mins.. haha.. but the thing i felt happy is only the first 2 sets of sucide run.. hmm.. guess maybe i really expect too much bah... dont know lah.. still wonder should i go down on wednesday... *eyes rolling* see how is it lah... just now dinner.. could not stop laughing.. haha.. stupid perrine as usual.. dont need say.. haha.. too tired now.. dont wan blog liao.. bye guys.. so freaking pissed today... slept at 1am... .sickening mosquitoes kept biting me.. making me could not sleep at all... so sickeninG! about 6 or 7 finally i could fall asleep but.. freaking perrine tang smsed me... so sickening... then nevermind... about 7.30 i fell asleep then i think.. oh yea.. my wish comes true.. childish person never disturb me.. so very soon i guess i fell asleep.. later.. my sis dropped something beside me and i woke up.. and later.. childish guy sms me! i was argh!!!!!! then sms back afew and then later i stop just continue to sleep.. but a while later.. jinshu's turn! hmpf~~~!!!! and it was about 9+++ later 10+++ argh!!! phone rang!!! childish freak!!!! sianz half.. talk talk talk.. then later i cant sleep liao.. falling asleep at about 11? then my home phone rang... i heck care... covered my eas and heck care.. but this freaking idiot just keep calling... argH!!! picked up the phone and it was for my mum.. and she wasn't around.. freaking idiot.. cant you think that no one picked the phone means no one at home!!! argh!!! so freaking sianz... irritating! and now.. i am awake... so sianz half... so tired.. going to train later... hmm.. just now mr teo said is not the stamina... is the ball handling? hmm... i should just join them.. hmm... should i go down on wed n thurs?
wah.. so happy for now.. hahaha... too high now.. cannot sleep.. haha...
1st... around 9++ she was online.. i didnt message her cause her status was busy... and didnt knwo what to msg her.. so i didnt.. hmm.. haha.. but she msg me.. :) and we chatted for a long time.. have a lot fun.. haha.. and sat she is coming to school.. yeah! can have fun... :) woo hoo.. but quite bad.. me going to "zhong se qing you" so bad.. sorry le.. but meet u all after that hor.. sorry.. 2nd.. i disturb panda.. hahaha.. so high now.. lolz.. :P so bad of me.. hahaha... should not write what i disturb her la.. only she knows..hahahaha... bleh :p but.. adeline "pissing" me.. argh... she going to disturb my sleep tml.. perrine tang oso.. argh!!! childish man.. pls dont do wat u said ok? let me have peace.. pls.. thznk! hahaha Rotting the whole damn day today... raining... boring... sickening...
Woke up at about 2pm today... raining day.. best time to sleep... i need rest.. really need rest... anyway.. guess have recovered from my sickness already? hmm.... just got slight cough.... but alright liao my flu... :) This morning... well... someone sms me.... and disturb my sleep... so childish.. dont need to mention who... just so childish... I really did nothing today... other than playing games.. and... chat... and flip the newspaper... hmm... so bored... haiz... out of a sudden.. having mood swing now... hmm... sighz... so bored... Wonder how are you today... are you feeling much better now? We didnt talk for two days... hmm... hope you are fine.. :) ok.. feeling better.. lucky i ate the medicine if not i sure dont feel well one.. but yesterday slept very early.. at 12pm i fell asleep liao... its been a very long time since i fell asleep straight after i lied on the bed.. :) the feeling was very nice... cause its been quite a long time since i can fell asleep straightaway....
woke up at 1pm... was really tired... anyway.. around 9 or 10 i saw 2 sms... and.. guess what.. it is that irritating MR TEO!!! guess what he sms me? "Wake up... Raise and shine... hahaha....." what the hell... the timing i guess is about 7am? or 8am? wah lau.. go reservice.. go reservice lah.. coem disturb me for what... lucky i didnt hear the sms... if not i am going to scold him.. lucky i have the medicine to make me too drowsy to hear the sms... to wake up... stupid u.. hope u get tortured inside! hmpf!!! went to adeline's house.. supposingly to help her and to do my blog.. but end up.. i sleep there.. and eat there.. and watch tv there.. hahahaha.... quite tired.. guess is because of my sickness.. hmm.. think i really "buay kia si"... sick le.. still eat fried things... and eh.. eat ice cream.. drink cold drinks.. haha.. later my asthma attack come again.. then or bi good liao.. lolz... haha.. but guess not la.. cause i am feeling better today actually.. :) hmm... TK won PRC by 2 only.. wah.. so close! read my bf's blog.. gosh.. its really heart attack match.. wat a close match.. lucky you guys fight all the way :) hmm.. pity damai too.. stupid aunty umpiring again.. wah the hell... haha.. im like one of the TK's supporter.. haha.. maybe due to my affairs there.. haha... :x ok.. promised wife that will be going to watch their nationals if i am free.. hmm... yeah.. i will go if i free.. :) hmm... see how you people thrash them? :) so much faith in you all.. :) did nothing much today actually.. just rotting away... coughing away.. sneezing away... haha... now... rotting again... wonder how you are today.. hope you are fine :)... take care.. miss you... MR TEO... ENJOY UR TORTURE!!! hee hee hee wah.. just eat the medicine.. feeling sooo drowsy now.. -.-... so long no sick liao.. so sianz.. wonder if i can help adeline tml siaz.. sianz... haiz...
sick now.. wah lau eh.. sianz... haha... my gutus feeling are right.. i am going to fall sick.. and now i really sick.. sianz half liao... flu somemore.. the sickness i dislike most.. sickening! my nose being block.. and then felt so uncomfortable.. haiz.. sianz half.. in the day still alright.. after stayin in the mac for long.. it is felt worse.. and now.. sucks... haiz..
12 waake up... tkgs lost to dunman.. they are quite down.. haiz.. stay calm ok? anyway.. ya.. later go school.. cause to take photo and then go meet perrine they all... then eh... like that.. haiz.. she is stressed up.. and she is not feeling good.. how? i am worried for u.. u ask me not too.. but i am.. haiz.. i cant help it.. i really hope u are feeling better.. ok? u msg me 1st.. but i really dont know how to console u or wat lohz.. haiz.. jiayou wor~... dun gif up.. hope u take care... pls.. pls take care! haiz.. i really feel very lousy.. i duno how to console u.. haiz...haiz.. haiz... WAke up before 12... wanted to sleep more.. but i couldnt.. haha.. firstly was because thinking how should i ask the MOE.. later just too sian of lying on the bed.. then i got up.. after that before i wanted to call.. i think maybe i should just try checking my mail again.. MOE shouldnt be that irresponsible.. and.. haha.. so relieved...
it was raining soooo heavyily... dont feel like going school at all... got feeling of going to fall sick.. cause saturday was sneezing like hell.. sunday having headache... and this morning feeling abit uneasy for my throat... plus the rain is so heavy.. about 2pm.. i type my sms "mr teo.. is raining so heavyily.. so i wont be going already unless it stops or get smaller..." before i sent... i looked out of the window again.. eh... is like going to stop.. so i didnt sent.. later i just heck again.. play my game and about 2.30... adeline called me.. asked me where am i and asked me go down now.. haha.. so lazy!!! wah.. its raining again.. regretted not to leave just now.. still.. i went to bathe.. come out.. woohoo.. no rain again.. so i quickly leave my house... and go meet them.. :) so happy.... school : boring... empty table... quietness... it seems so different... haiz.. but... trying to get over it... when reached school it was about 3.30.. so left the room quite fast.... but... still.. haiz... nevermind.. didnt join them for the run.. feeling quite uncomfortable so didnt run.. then... later eh... adeline asked me 1 question.. could not solve it.. but ibecause of my carelessnes.. haha.. nevermind.. later teach the sec1.. :S so scary.. cause i am very poor at talking.. nevermind.. its over.. ahha... went down to the room.. seeing the table once again.. i thought of "u" again.. want to sms you how are you today and things but i didnt.. cause afraid might dstub u.. so thinkn to wait for you in msn.. but you didnt online at around 10+++... so i intended to sms u... -sighz- 'u' are stressed up... haiz... bad day for 'u'... haiz... jiayou~ dont give up!!! will always give you moral support like how 'u' did to me.. ok!? I felt so relieved now... lucky i heed my mum's advice about sending a mail to the MOE.. well.. MOE replied... haha... they had received my JAE form :) hmm... since they had received it.. then i supposed it is not that important anymore right?
ya.. just remembered about the MOE thing.. how ar? what i should do ar? hmm.. sianz le.. still dont know what is it? haiz.. how!? jiahua and some told me.. if is really important they will call again.. but... this is my education.. will they be bothered? haiz.. chum chum... so is what now? whats my next step? should wait for the call or what.. wait till 20th then realise they never receive my form?
wake up at 10 today... :) so cool.. this week everyday wake up earlier than 12.... hee hee.... so nice yeah? haha... went to bodyworld... hmm... was quite tired actually... but was .. eh dont know how to describe that feeling of seeing the thing... hmm... the tix was $9... haha.. cause i am a "adult" hahaha.... the person say dont know what thing.. then later stupid mr teo says i dont look like poly student.. -.-! oops.. should not scold him for today.. haha.. ok.. after that went in.. look for about an hour?
went to sakae eat.. haiz.. at east point... :( go to the dont know what.. then it reminds me of kino and her... then later walked past burger king.. remind me of that time raining day... she sat down and teach me... and its was so cool.. :) well.. nevermind its ok.. still going to stay in contact.. :) mr teo knows what i mean when i say about memories.. haha... :) nevermind.. later because of a bet or something i cannot suan or scold or say mr teo.. and i felt so damn awkward about it! it was so xinku! argh!!... from the expo to sakae.. i had to kept my mouth shut.. because whenever he said something.. i have the intention to give some comments.. argh.. but i did it..haha.. i controlled! i didnt suan him or say him.. but hao xin mei hao bao lohz.. he disturb me like hell.. hmpf! lucky i made the bet after the exibit.. cause inside.. i kept saying i felt so COLD!!! cause of all the lame comments by him.. haha... but kena hit on the head.. BULLY! hahaha... now i know why i from clever become stupid le.. cause of him.. hitting my head from sec2 till now.. lolz... :X enough of nonsense... after eating.. went back home.. suppose to go adeline's house but she tired so never.. and i also went home and SLEEP! so tired.. haha.. woke up at 5.30... and when i was half awake.. i though 4pm is 6pm.. haha.. so goon... lolz.. later wake up bathe.. clear things... eat... com now.. haha.. so happy... i message her.. and she says she about to message me.. hee hee.. seriously its been a long time since she really msg me first.. well.. im glad she did it.. hope we continue this way.. :) take care wor.. and jiayou~ tomorrow! all the best! |
Plan your life like forever, but live today like there is no tomorrow... Stay positive :)World is unfair... things keep coming back til you learn...
++InTrOdUcTiOn++ ::xIaOyUn:: ::Born on 18/08/87:: ::Unqiue Leo:: ::Yu Neng, EastSpring, Republic Poly:: ::Netball, Badminton, Track&Field, Librarian, Table-tennis, Choir:: ::To be PE teacher, camp instructor... ::Sporty:: ::Outgoing:: ::Friendly?:: ::Fun-to-be-with:: ::Low self-esteem:: ::Low self-confidence:: ::Between Optismist and Pessismist ::Sensitive:: ::Emotional:: ::Quite bad-tempered:: ::Short:: ++LOVES++ ::Play Sports:: ::Surf the net and Chat:: ::Laze arnd, Sleep, Slack:: ::Green, Blue, Yellow:: ::To be: Pe Teacher, Camp instructor:: ::East Spring Netball team:: ::My friends, hubby, disciples and shifu(mr teo):: ++WiShLiSt++ .~.Jacket (preferably nike).~. .~. .~.Storybook so to improve my english :) .~.Save money for all my buyable items.~. .~.A sports bag.~. .~.Nike Shorts.~. .~. .~.Mp3player.~. .~.Man Utd Jersey.~. .~.Bball shorts (black).~. .~. .~.Spending my birthday with ES peepx.~. .~.RP improved in IVP.~. .~.I play as a good Center.~. .~.Able to control the game.~. .~.Join RP bball.~. .~.Commited in wushu, netball and bball.~. .~.DO well in my studies.~. .~.Move on to my future.~. .~.Dont stay in my past.~. .~.Get a B for my Eng O's this year.~. .~.ES netball team will perform.~. .~.People who I care live happily.~. .~.Learn as many sports as possible.~. .~.Study in Uni.~. .~.Weight become 45kg.~. .~.More confident in myself.~. ++People I wont forget++ .+.Buddy - Jesline aka Panda.+. .+.Buddy - Sihua aka Da ge.+. .+.Buddy - Hui Ching aka Ah Neox.+. .+.Buddy - Rosling aka Brother Xiaowong.+. .+.Buddy - Kelly aka Auntie.+. .+.Buddy - Cindy aka Blur Queen.+. +.+Tudi - Huiwen aka lamer no.1+.+ +.+Tudi - Adeline aka lamer 2+.+ +.+Tudi - Jinshu aka Idiot+.+ +.+Tudi - Siriporn aka ah bui+.+ +.+Tudi - Suwei+.+ =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Cheryl aka Sotong no. 1=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Hui Ying aka Sotong no.2=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Perrine aka Sotong no.3=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Jane aka Sotong no. 4=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Jolene aka Sotong no.5=.= (",)Mummy (Ms Lye) (",)Shifu aka Daddy (Mr Teo) (",)Shifu aka Dua Hai(Mr Lai) (",)Hubby (Mr Leong) (",)Ben Hai (Mr Tay) 
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