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Is there something wrong with my nose.. or is it that i really fall sick? sneeze.. sneeze.. woke up just now... feel much better now... except the nose... haha... this morning wake up quite early... 9am? sleept at 3am... well.. reach school 10am cause i bought breakfast for her... and help to pack for her? but on the verge.. i abit cannot take it... i went out and i cried... later went in again.. she have already packed finish.. -sighz- later... i passed her the letter... or rather the card... and photos... hmm.. told her to open at home.. hmm... i didnt get to hug or play basketball with her... haiz... haiz.. haiz...
we were in the room.. talked abit.. mr lai was so quiet... when ms lye went out... we asked why is he so quiet.. haha... all the way.. he was so quiet.. wah.. unbelievable man... but expected lah... so close friend... and now going to have a certain distance... is rather sad.. i understand... we helped her to bring the stuffs into her car... haha... mr lai was so quiet.. i could not believe it... later helping her... she wwants to drove off le... "take care" wah.. :'( once i turned away.. sighz... later on... mr lai came out.. he looks so diferent.. haha... he is sad... i guess... i sould not really stop crying actually.. but i tried to control... so i intend to do maths to occcupy my mind... well.. she reply me abt the card once she reach home.. :) thanks... guess you know i cried bah.. but i cant control... well.. i am able to control myself lah... after quite a time... later just do maths.. then see them do... then mind think of her... looking at the canteen.. listen to the quietness... looking at the basketball... looking at the maths textbook... well... i just remember last year september holiday.. when she came down to help me.. and we play basketball to relax... and went off together... well.. its 6months and 20 days since we both know each other... thats really fast... well.. another 6 more months 13 days will be my birthday.. and also 1 year since we met... hopefully.. we will meet again.. and celebrate our birthday together... hmm.. dont wish to write anything about her le... tears going to gather again.. so stop now.. ok.. later see them do maths.. then i there do... then later mr teo came back... then later they want go PE room do.. then i just sit there.. look at the empty table directly beside mr lai's.. -sighz- it will never be the same anymore... i wonder how it will be like when i go school on monday... -sighz- later go mac eat.... adeline quite *twionk* cause i still mention about her.. cause talk what.. eat what.. i will just think of her... haha... so funny... wah... what is this feeling? is it really like her and i miss her so much? or what is it? i not sure... went back home... came home.. and just went to sleep... very tired... cant sleep well yesterday.. cause of stupid irritating mosquito.. keep biting me... :@ so slept for about 2 or 3 hours... oh.. tomorrow going to bodyworld with cindy, kelly and mr teo.. eh time is 10.30 meet kelly.. is it? where? shuckz.. "she" makes me lost all my focus today actually.. haha.. going to message kelly again... Just for you though you cant see.. "I will always remember you... Hope everything goes well for you... hope you take good care of yourself... dont overworked wor.. ok? see you soon..."  i am so tired now... real tired... mentally tired... mentally down... hope i look normal... haiz... so down... so emotionally unstable now.... haiz... expected? anyway.. thanks adeline for listening to me yesterday... thanks! those who were shocked by my tears just now.. i am sorry... suwei.. thanks for your console... i guess will be fine soon... haiz... no mood.. no mood...
I really want to join them for their training.. but when i set my mind to do so.. mr teo got real tough.. which i know i cant do it.. which i know i am going to pull the team down.. therefore i never join them... i join kelly they all "slacking"... but heart was so wanting to join them.. but i think i am worse than ain, worse than faizah, worse than everyone.. so i didnt join.. i know it.. i am lousy.. i am worse than the sec 1s.. i know if i join them.. i am going to make them do more sucide run.. i am going to be blame by ALL THE JUNIORS for being so lousy yet join them... i am going to dampen my own spirit... so if i want to be at least better... i make a target an aim for myself.. train hard now... force myself hard enough... endure the hardships and pain... and be back to them after mr teo comes back from his reservice...
today gym session... it was tiring... mentally and physically actually.... i was so afraid to do the stuffs... but i did it... before i start... i am really afraid of comments... negative comments... but... well... perrine was very encouraging... others also abit... when i started.... i could not really did the core-stability thing... but i tried... not sure if correctly done but still... after i do the hamstring thingy.... remember mr teo says before if you can do it easily and fast.. means you can sprint fast.... but... i sucks at it... and i now know why i so SLOW! i was mentally down..... but carried on.... lunges... calf extention... everytime when i do some thing... i really want to do do double as them because i start late... i old... i lousy.... i want to work twice as them then i can catch up quite fast... but i could not... this dampen my spirit slightly... i could not even complete what i suppose to do.. i want to do extra!? what the shit... i did the bicyle thing... well... first round.. i was quite lousy.. anyway.. perrine was there for me.. jinshu too.. thanks... thanks for encouraging me... really... i really tired already.. i want to stop... but the thought of my aim... the thought of my sucky performance days ago... the thought of my irritating fucking speed... i carried on... they remind me of my aim... and so... i go on... it was really tiring... i could not walk properly after 2 rounds.... the 3rd round.. i was really tired... tired of everything... wanting to give up already.. wanting to stop... carried on again because i really want to improve on.. i do not wish to be a slacker.. i do not wish to be lousy... i need to train up... i close my eyes... "seeing" alot of things.. i just keep cycling.. and 3mins up... it was so fast... :) all of them were so fit! i was so lousy... but remembering my aim... with constant encouragement... i go on... the backward sit-ups was shit... my back hurts after 2 or 3 times? what the fuck... sitting down.. staring into space.. looking at them doing... mr teo also say "yunru, stop staring and do.. if you want to get back.. this is whta you have to do or what.. something like that lah.. " then think for a while... i decided to force myself to do it.. i dont care about the pain.. just do.. for my own good.. to get back into shape... before doing... mr teo said "yunru, you can do about 10 like that... if you cannot..." seriously... afterr that he jokingly said "we understand because you old already.."... my mind was.. "NO!.. i am going to finish up the 15! i am going to do the same as them... to get back as soon as possible this is what i must do!" well.. i did it... my mind ws quite blank or maybe is too confused till i dont really know what i am thinking throughout the session... anyway.. i completed the session.. :) way to go now! YUNRU... REMEMBER... 10 DAYS AFTER HE COMES BACK FROM THE CAMP... YOU MUST BE FIT ENOUGH TO JOIN THEM! YOU MUST BE FIT ENOUGH TO JOIN THEM FOR THEIR ANNUAL CAMP!!! hmm... really true... i am quite tired today.. but.. still.. i am still awake now... haha... alot of things to blog today.. and i am very sure.. i will tear as i blog... ... ...
woke up early today... these days i am waking up quite early... before twelve i am awake... well.. as i was calling the MOE.. "u" sms me.. "u" want to play basketball today... "u" say it was your last day... but i didnt play.. well.. abit regret now... this is the "last" game? and i didnt play with "u"? why did i go to the gym? i really do not know.. when i heard you have 4 people.. i do not wish to go anymore... i dont know why... i missed the last chance? sobz sobz sobz.. -cry- hope you having fun... :) is it going to be ok if we play tomorrow? went out to have dinner... it was a nice dinner... a good dinner... i could not remember when we have such a dinner anymore... and i could not remember when i felt so relax... well.. and this is so-call the last already? -cry- i really wonder when can we meet again? when? on our birthday? i have a wish since the starting of the month.. i really hope that BOTH of us can celebrate our birthday together since it was so near... just two days difference.. can we really celebrate together? I WANT.. please... I will really miss you alot by then... Lets celebrate together ok? Fufil my wish ok? *ponder*.... back to the dinner... we have a lot of fun.. we chat alot... we laugh our hearts out... we could not stop laughin... could not stop talking... it was so nice... the thought of not playing with you today really regrets alot... huiying told me i should just play because i still can go gym anytime... but why didnt i go!? why!!!!???? argh!!!! it was "your" last day .. yet.. i didnt play... this still call i like "u"... i dont know... -confused- still dont understand why... adeline knew that i wanted to go.. but i didnt go.. WHY DIDNT I GO!?!? -sighz- living with another regrets again.. :( ... thoughts of "u" leaving is really sad.... really sad... cried once again... hope tomorrow i can hug you goodbye... and hope can have a game... tomorrow going school to give you the letter... well.. hope the best in your future... take good care! miss you! Sian ar... haha.. came out from my bath.. almost forgot about it... LoLz.. head feel itchy.. then remember.. oh.. have not bathe yet.. then i go do my business and went to bathe.. so shiok now... still thinking about the MOE thing.. well.. think try again tomorrow.. and say different thing.. well.. this morning i was like abit blur.. so i didnt say what i wanted to say.. this time i must try asking if they have received my JAE application then.. if not what if on the 20th of March.. they come and say they didnt receive my JAE form.. so like that.. then how!? going to die liao lah.. so heck care.. tomorrow try again... this thing is quite serious.. no play play matter so i cannot care... just call even if i dont dare.. yepz i have already called this morning.. so going to do the same again.. this is my future.. no guts also die die must call...
wah... today so damn sianz man... den went back to play gunbound again.. haha.. yesterday go and download the thingy again.. then try again.. then .. yeah.. haha.. can play liao.. lol... haha... so hengz... yesterday just told mr teo i cannot play since friday.. then yesterday go download.. can liao.. haha... but then nnot as addicted as before lah... yesterday play with perrine they all then stop liao i also never play le.. all i was doing was just rotting...
but today super duper sianz la.. nothing to do.. so go and play lohz.. haha... play whole day again.. with jinshu at first.. then later perrine came in.. then we play.. then i go eat my lunch+breakfast+dinner = maggie mee... lolz.. then after that js also went off.. then i also dont want play liao.. then perrine go eat.. i go watch show... haha... now super sianz.. waiting to 9pm.. can watch the show.. hehe.. haven bathe also.. ee.. smelly me! haiz.. sianz la... MOE haven call.. wah lau.. why yesterday never bring my hp to the hall.... orbi good lohz.. now dont know what is it that they are calling you for.. wah liao... so sianz.. please call me again can!? kaoz.. so sracy le.. summore is i submit the JAE form then like that.. haiz haiz haiz.. jus woke up... morning just now wake up and call MOE but the person dont know.. haiz.. chum liao la.. what if they never receive my JAE form? or what if my JAE form got something wrong? or ...... ...... die... haiz.. now nothing to do.. none of them is online.. so boring!
look for jobs now... to get a mp3player and watch... this 2 things are what i want before i study again... :) haha
nothing to do.. but cannot sleep.. so well.. shall blog then... hmm... reason for not able to sleep is because... haha... adeline ask me one amaths question.. and is like.. it just wakes me up! :) haha...
sleep at 6am and wake up at 12pm... 6hours... well.. yesterday i was trying to look through all the courses... well.. i need to make a choice by today.. so no choice.. i make myself to decide by yesterday.. therefore.. sleep at 6am.. but the sleep was not very nice also.. cause was like.. when i was sleeping.. i also think about the courses.. then later... wake up also.. haiz.. so sad.... but no choice... have not make decision, have not do anything is like that one.. so bear with it... quite tired though... hmm... then hmm... make a choice.. this decision is quite hard.. sighz... thought about alot of things... psycho myself alot of times... today at 2pm finally just sent it... is a no choice thing.. so just send... still abit doubtful.. but no choice.. already sent... haiz.. so sianz.. who cares lah.. just wait till 20th of march and see the result.. for the time being.. hope can find a job.. training.. hmm.. before that went to look for jiahua.. then chatted with him for awhile.. hee hee hee... then went down PE room.. then molested by perrine tang sai sai.. .hmpf! today good mood.. so i dont really care.. haha.. :x hmm.. after that training.. shoot with cindy.. then later... eh.. slack lohz.. eh wrong.. play game with the juniors.. quite fun.. haha.. later fell down... the ankle just hit abit.. or i mean kana shock lah.. haha.. then later sit there.. and then kana "touched" so out of the game.. later slack there.. chat chat chat.. see abit slack alot.. then panda and kelly went off... i ddint want to leave cause.. actually wanted to train with them but then.. haiz.. dont wish to pull them down.. so i didnt.. want to train so as to clear my mind.. my mind abit of confused actually... but nevermind.. sit there see sec1.. very funny.. haha... adeline they all cried.. haiyo... jiayou~ ar!!! want to play.. want to be the best.. must work hard one lohz.. dont blame the team... cause is team.. not individual... well.. i really hope i can be like in the past.. when i am sec2.. no injuries at all.. stamina superb... speed still quite ok.. haiz.. really old now.. so sad.. haiz.. hohw can i be like that? train with them? later pull them down.. then also not good.. run myself.. abit lazy or what like that.. what should i do? haiz.. maybe i should just go run myself.. train myself before trying to train with them... must buck up now.. canot slack like now anymore.. this is really sucks... all over le.. haiz.. next chapter coming on... as you guys know MOE called.. well.. see how tomorrow.. call them tomorrow.. :s worried.. really worried.. hope is nothing that bad.. hope is not as bad as i think.... wanted to blog alot of things... but after knowing MOE called.. and i missed the call.. i no more mood to do anything else...
wah lau!!! MOE called me... and i dont know.. shucks lah.. and today i just submit the JAE form.. please please please.. i dont wish to be any mistake in the JAE or what... wah damn liao la... cant sleep tonight again.. what the fuck sia.. so scared.. so worried now... what is it that they call me? what!!!??? argh!!!! the call was made at 4pm near 5pm... shucks ar!!!!!!!!!!!
It is very painful to have regrets... you feel the guilt... in studies... you will feel that you should have done better... well... life is always this way... when things did not happen or didnt happen badly for you, you wont know the pain, you wont know the suffers you are going to face next... you wont know what is happening next... this is what is happening to me now...
Friends out there will see me now "suffering", wondering which course in poly should I choose, wondering if this course going to be beneficial for me... many many "if i were to..." pops out.... the pain inside is really unbearable... the pain is worse than the pain in my knee... the pain in my ankle... the fall when i play a game... this pain is not worse than any physical pain, this pain is not just feel guilty because i have done something wrong, this pain is not the type of pain that you feel fear... this kind of pain is the kind of pain when you know you can do it... but you didnt... you missed the opportunity... the chance... People who is still in secondary life, please dont be like me now.... I failed my physics and english.. yes is just D7... to some of you you might think like me in the past.. oh so good? D7 only.. thats good already what... nevermind one... you other subjects pass can liao.. overall pass can liao... IT IS NOT! this is not!!!! When i fail my english it means i cant do any business course... when i fail my physics means i cant go into any engineering course... and what do you left with? IT and health and science... health and science is not cup of tea.. so what can i do next? IT.. see? this is the only chance left.. and I am not very confident to say I can get into poly.. seriously speaking.. I AM NOT CONFIDENT AT ALL!!!... no more confidence in myself anymore... full of regrets... but well.. this is what you get when you didnt put in effort... when you dont want heed people's advice... Life is still going on.... Next chapter of life is coming out soon.... I am not going to let this chapter of my life to be like the previous chapter... The previous chapter is full of fun, full of joy but it leads me no where... this time round it wont happen.. i wont let it going to happen.. I must keep in mind... I must study hard and move on happily... and I do not wish to let regrets, pains to be inside me anymore.... Life is always full of choices... now i have to make a choice.. an important choice... hope everything wont goes wrong... hopefully i can get in... i do not wish to let things happen again...
well.. breaking down now... well.. i dont wish to regret like how i am now... choosing the wrong sec3 class.. i dont want to be landed in a deep shit again.. i want to go into a poly, a course that i wont regret after 3years.. i dont want to... really dont wish to.. i want to go to the university.. really want.. so i must go into the course that i like.. you see? so how? how how? gosh..>! jus now interepret the engieering infomatics wrongly.. tis is why im now afraid of choosin.... makin my decision,..
wah liao.. wah liao.. wah liao... how how how??? getting quite frustrated now.. cause looking at the time i have yet to decide... wah lau eh... thats really bad.. one by one have already submit their forms.. but not me.. me have yet to decide.. what the fuck! i am getting more and more anxious and nervous.. my mind is in a total blank or what la.. haiz...
wah lau./.. forget to say something.. today he read thru the engineering infomatics.. then i realise is isnt the one which i always thought.. and now is like i am very scared that all the courses ar.. i mioght think this way.. and then it come out to be another way.. haiz.. how?
woke up quite early... then go to school... actually planned to go at 2pm one... but he says 11am.. till now not really have decide what i really want so that i wont regret in my next three years... i really want to go to unversity after my diploma... really... so i dont wish to regret in anything.. but i think i have made up my choice of going into Business Computing.. oh well... my parents and mr chew so call disagree about going so far to study... but i think this is the only business and IT course.. so i think i will just choose this...
hmm... so tired... just wake up from my nap.. but then still so tired.. haha.. nothing to really blog.. oh yes.. tomorrow got training.. haha.. was talking to jinshu.. hmm think i better shut up.. if not tomorrow really something happens.. i tell you... she is going to laugh her head off... Its 3am... and.. I am still here... well.. now i wasnt playing gunbound nor chatting.. i am doing something productive :) i am printing out all my IT courses.. oh well.. a few questions are now in my mind.. like.. should i really stuck in IT? i am abit afraid that i am not going to get in.. :S but nto sure... nevermind.. just get all the infos and then see which 1 i really like.. and see how tomorrow.. going school to find shifu to ask for help :) hee hee.. sorry to bother you again... :) the most buy you lunch? hee... :X
on friday.. i told them i dont want play gunbound.. and is so conicident that... i cant play gunbound.. something is wrong with my gunbound.. haha.. so conicident sia... dont know why is it so.. haha.. nevermind.. i also dont have the urge to play.. cause been quite frustrated by the poly things... so no time to play or think about it also... today have training.. oh well.. run around 10rounds i guess.. eh.. knee hurts slightly.. haiz.. but is much better than saturday... it was so painful on saturday.. cannot walk.. now can.. good good.. haha.. :x they keep telling me to tell my mum.. oh well.. after i bathe.. i talk to her.. well.. once again.. talk not more than 20 sentences... the conversation abit hot.. and after that i cry again... always talk serious stuffs i sure cry 1.. or rather the conversation quite heaty one.. is always like this.. haiz.. dont care.. say also like that.. dont say also like that.. in the end i still make the final decision... seen the disc... well.. for the 3 games... i only play one of the game actually.. cause... i was injuried for both matches... haha... wont forget that time... cause play the daisy tan carnival.. and then i injuried.. and than cannot play the next few matches... haha... so only got one match i played... but it is very nice to see the other two.. how they performed... so i am still glad about it.... :) but seeing those and compare with yesterday was really saddening.. i slack too much.. real too much.. sighjz... haiz... but nevermind lah... forget about it... just start training for tomorrow onwards than can le... slowly train..
by the way... about my studies.. maybe i should just listen from kelly tomorrow and then i decide again... wah lau... really wondering if i am up to it... sighz... thinking about yesterday training... i really think i am not up to it anymore...play WA only and i pant like hell... play C was like shit... haiz... what is wrong? really pondering... mr teo told me i should train with them.. as in with the juniors... and do everything they do... before he told me this.. i told him that my knee hurts and he said that... haiz... he say the muscle is not firm enough to hold the knee.. something like that? i not sure...
when playing the game... WA pant like hell.. later play C against him.. than I keep on banging onto him... and also... after that... he said something... haiz.. implying something else??? not sure.... haiz.. haiz.. haiz... dont care lah... but than really lah... i am no longer up to it to play netball anymore.. my sprinting sucks now... i cant run fast anymore... run abit... like out of breath.. or rather like my brain no oxygen like that... maybe he is really right... i should just train with them... should not care about them anymore.. as in shout at them.. i should just shout at myself.. and should not stop.. for my own good... for my own ambition... ok! this is what i want... I mus train myself now... no more rights to shout at them anymore... i should just start it tomorrow... yes... start tomorrow.. train with the juniors tomorrow onwards... well.. for now the knee gets much better... so hopefully when i run tomorrow it wont hurts again.. if not i think i can forget about running again.. cause the pain yesterday was unbearable... ok thats all.. Mr Teo.. really thanks for that 1st cd... well.. its a good piece... :) i really love it... its a success.. haha... i cried and laughed at the same time... well... the memories are really staying intact... feeling really to stay in netball eastspring netball another year or forever... stiill.. thanks alot... really love the disc.. :)
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Plan your life like forever, but live today like there is no tomorrow... Stay positive :)World is unfair... things keep coming back til you learn...
++InTrOdUcTiOn++ ::xIaOyUn:: ::Born on 18/08/87:: ::Unqiue Leo:: ::Yu Neng, EastSpring, Republic Poly:: ::Netball, Badminton, Track&Field, Librarian, Table-tennis, Choir:: ::To be PE teacher, camp instructor... ::Sporty:: ::Outgoing:: ::Friendly?:: ::Fun-to-be-with:: ::Low self-esteem:: ::Low self-confidence:: ::Between Optismist and Pessismist ::Sensitive:: ::Emotional:: ::Quite bad-tempered:: ::Short:: ++LOVES++ ::Play Sports:: ::Surf the net and Chat:: ::Laze arnd, Sleep, Slack:: ::Green, Blue, Yellow:: ::To be: Pe Teacher, Camp instructor:: ::East Spring Netball team:: ::My friends, hubby, disciples and shifu(mr teo):: ++WiShLiSt++ .~.Jacket (preferably nike).~. .~. .~.Storybook so to improve my english :) .~.Save money for all my buyable items.~. .~.A sports bag.~. .~.Nike Shorts.~. .~. .~.Mp3player.~. .~.Man Utd Jersey.~. .~.Bball shorts (black).~. .~. .~.Spending my birthday with ES peepx.~. .~.RP improved in IVP.~. .~.I play as a good Center.~. .~.Able to control the game.~. .~.Join RP bball.~. .~.Commited in wushu, netball and bball.~. .~.DO well in my studies.~. .~.Move on to my future.~. .~.Dont stay in my past.~. .~.Get a B for my Eng O's this year.~. .~.ES netball team will perform.~. .~.People who I care live happily.~. .~.Learn as many sports as possible.~. .~.Study in Uni.~. .~.Weight become 45kg.~. .~.More confident in myself.~. ++People I wont forget++ .+.Buddy - Jesline aka Panda.+. .+.Buddy - Sihua aka Da ge.+. .+.Buddy - Hui Ching aka Ah Neox.+. .+.Buddy - Rosling aka Brother Xiaowong.+. .+.Buddy - Kelly aka Auntie.+. .+.Buddy - Cindy aka Blur Queen.+. +.+Tudi - Huiwen aka lamer no.1+.+ +.+Tudi - Adeline aka lamer 2+.+ +.+Tudi - Jinshu aka Idiot+.+ +.+Tudi - Siriporn aka ah bui+.+ +.+Tudi - Suwei+.+ =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Cheryl aka Sotong no. 1=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Hui Ying aka Sotong no.2=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Perrine aka Sotong no.3=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Jane aka Sotong no. 4=.= =.=CHIJ² Sotong Pai - Jolene aka Sotong no.5=.= (",)Mummy (Ms Lye) (",)Shifu aka Daddy (Mr Teo) (",)Shifu aka Dua Hai(Mr Lai) (",)Hubby (Mr Leong) (",)Ben Hai (Mr Tay) 
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